


Family

by LostCol



Series: TOWJLHH [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Deaf Character, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, POV First Person, POV Multiple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:40:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22619524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostCol/pseuds/LostCol
Summary: I should have known something was going to happen. Justin and I were sleeping pretty peacefully for the first time in god knows how long, so the universe, of course, decided to step in.Evan has a classic Justin-style nightmare.
Relationships: Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk)/Original Male Character(s), Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk), Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: TOWJLHH [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627354
Comments: 22
Kudos: 52





	Family

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The One Where Justin Loses His Hearing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14677227) by [LaVieEnRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaVieEnRose/pseuds/LaVieEnRose). 



> Don't be put off by the multiple POV tag. I started writing this from Brian's POV, because I'm most comfortable in Brian's head, but I realized about halfway through that it made way more sense to tell this from Justin's POV. I thought you might be curious though, so I'm posting both; you'll hear about the first part of the night from Brian, and then the whole thing again and more from Justin. Enjoy!

_BRIAN_

I should have known something was going to happen. Justin and I were sleeping pretty peacefully for the first time in god knows how long, so the universe, of course, decided to step in.

We’d had a good night. Evan and I picked up takeout on our way home from the office, and Justin got home at the same time we did. He’d been working at his studio all day, and I tried and failed not to glow with fucking pride (anxiously pounding heart aside) at the kid’s stamina. I mean, can you believe it? All fucking day.

After we ate, during which we took turns bitching about the disastrous boards for one of our new campaigns, Evan and I went out dancing while Justin stayed home to read a new mystery novel he’d picked up. He rarely comes out dancing anymore, what with the writhing masses of germy bodies, those same germy bodies sucking all the oxygen out of the air, the strobe lights, and his complete lack of stamina, clubs aren’t exactly Justin-friendly these days, but even if they were, he was tired from working all day. And yeah, as we’ve established, I was pretty fucking ecstatic about that.

Evan and I came home a few hours later, slightly tipsier and slightly more covered in glitter than when we’d left. He went right down to bed, and I went in to find Justin stretched out on our bed.

Naked.

Waiting for me.

Okay, so maybe we’d had an _excellent_ night.

We sucked each other off in the shower while I washed off the cigarette smoke and sweat, and then I carried him to bed, his skin still enticingly damp and warm, and fucked him until he screamed.

A few hours later, I woke up to… more screaming. Working on auto-pilot, my half-conscious brain assumed it was Justin. After a decade of dealing with Justin’s particular brand of nightmare-induced screaming, you jump to certain conclusions. As soon as I was fully awake, though, I registered the feeling of Justin sleeping peacefully on my chest, his warm cheek pressed against my skin, his arm snaked loosely around my waist.

But then…

And then I heard it again, slightly muffled by the floorboards, but painfully clear all the same. Fucking terrified screaming coming from the basement.

“FUCK!”

I slid out from under Justin and gently lowered him to the mattress, careful not to wake him, and ran out of the room. And look, I know that Evan is Justin’s boyfriend, and yeah, if it had been Janie screaming in her crib, I would have just kicked the proud papa awake and rolled over. But you have to understand, Justin had been so sick, and I hated to wake him unless it was absolutely necessary. And anyway, we’re all super fucking aware of the boy’s flair for catastrophizing. And I’m going to wake him up when his boyfriend’s screaming in terror in the middle of the night before I know what’s going on? What you have to know is, Evan had never woken us up in the middle of the night before, screaming or otherwise, and it occurred to me that however unlikely, there could be an intruder in the basement. And if you think for a second that I’m putting Justin into a potentially dangerous situation that he could have avoided by just staying the fuck upstairs, well, you’re crazier than I am.

Remember when I told you that in the long run, Justin’s usually grateful that I triaged a situation before bringing him into it? I was just really fucking hoping that this would be one of those times.

I thanked Christ as I ran out of the bedroom that I hadn’t bothered closing the door all the way, knowing Evan was downstairs for the night. Neither, it turned out, had he; the basement door was wide open. I realized with a jolt that I probably wouldn’t have heard him if both doors had been closed, so thank whatever-the-fuck-deity-of-your-choice for small favors, I guess.

I flipped the light switch at the top of the stairs when I ran by, and light flooded the stairwell as I thundered down, ready to beat up whoever’d broken into my goddamn home.

Of course, there was no burglar, and I hadn’t really thought there was, but I didn’t want to think Evan was screaming me awake from a nightmare, either. But there he was, obviously asleep, clutching a pillow to his chest for dear life, his eyes squeezed shut, tears leaking out of them, screaming his head off.

Now, obviously, I’d woken Justin up from this kind of horrific nightmare countless times. I know how he’s going to react, and I know what to do. I also know, that despite some early assumptions, Evan and Justin are not the same person, and they do not handle illness or panic the same way. Evan, bless him, is way more like me in some ways, and I really wasn’t sure how this was going to go.

He was right at the edge of the bed, so I crouched down beside him and pulled the pillow down a little, and he gasped and whimpered and pulled it tighter to his chest. Before I could figure out my next move, he let out this fucking loud, strangled, pained-sounding wail, and the devastated look on his face was just… shattering. Desperate to get him out of whatever hell he was in, I shook his shoulder, hard, and smacked his cheek with the back of my hand. I shouted his name, too, for good measure, even though I knew that without his hearing aids in, there wasn’t much point.

He moaned and let out a sob, so I shook him again and his eyes shot open with a gasp. He darted his eyes around the room, trying to get his bearings, and he was trembling and breathing hard and fast. I moved slightly to get his attention, and when he looked at me, I saw recognition click into place.

**You’re okay you’re okay you’re okay.**

Honestly, I expected him to burst into tears like Justin would have, and I was ready for it. I guess I’ll never learn. He just kept staring at me while he breathed so fast he was definitely going to start hyperventilating, so after a few seconds, I rubbed his arm and said, **You had a nightmare. It’s okay**.

He jumped a little when I touched him, and then he reached out, weirdly hesitant, and pressed his fingers against my cheek, like he was checking to make sure I was really there. He dropped his hand to my shoulder and gripped it tightly, and finally started to slow down his breathing.

After a few minutes, he was breathing normally but still sniffling a little, so I reached over to his nightstand and handed him a tissue. He laughed breathlessly while he wiped his face.

**Are you naked?**

I laughed, glancing down. **You were screaming so fucking loud I didn’t even think about it.**

**Shit. You heard me from upstairs?**

I shrugged. **Good thing neither of us closed our doors.**

He looked over my shoulder then, and his whole face brightened, and I wondered vaguely if my face does that when Justin comes into a room. I’d heard him coming down the stairs, but Evan obviously hadn’t.

I stayed crouched by the bed, but I turned slightly to look at him. Unlike me, he’d had the presence of mind to pull on some sweats, but he was shirtless, slightly flushed from sleep, and his hair was fluffy and messy and falling in his eyes, and, well. I didn’t need a mirror to know that my face was doing exactly what Evan’s had just done.

He looked between us.

**What’s going on? Are you okay?**

Evan, who was in the process of sitting up, said, **I’m okay,** then at Justin’s raised eyebrow, **I had a nightmare. I’m fine.**

 **Oh, baby.** Justin crawled onto the bed and pulled Evan’s head onto his shoulder and gave him a long, tight hug, rubbing Evan’s back a little. Evan shuddered and wrapped his arms around Justin, and I was just starting to wonder if I should stand up and stroll out in all my glory when Justin caught my eye and smirked.

**Is there a reason you’re naked?**

Evan laughed, saying **Your husband was so concerned about me, he forgot pants** , and Justin gave him this bewildered look. **I was screaming. Loudly, apparently.**

**Gave you a run for your money, Sunshine.**

Concern flashed across Justin’s face, and I saw him pull Evan in a little tighter, so I asked, **You staying down here?** even though I knew he was, and at my question I noticed Evan’s fingers dig a little into Justin’s side. Which, honestly, surprised me a little. I guess he was getting more comfortable with needing people, and I know this is fucking rich coming from me, but I was glad. He’s just a kid, and not to get too sappy here, but I want him to feel secure with wanting comfort when he’s scared or sick. Not spend a huge chunk of his adult life running from it, like I have.

**Yeah.**

**Try to get some sleep, okay?**

It was 3 am, and I was a little worried they were going to end up lying awake, throwing off Justin’s sleep. They must have seen the concern on my face, because Evan said, **We will, I promise,** and he gave me his “don’t worry, I’ve got him” look (that when he’s pissed is more like his _“come on Brian, don’t you fucking trust me by now?”_ look) that in hindsight, took me way too long to believe. Not that I’d have done anything differently, we know I’m not going to risk Justin, but… hindsight, you know?

 **Okaaay. Do that,** I said, turning my back to them as I stood up. No need to make the kid feel insecure about his ability to pleasure Justin when he’s already having nightmares, right? I smirked to myself as I climbed the stairs. 

_JUSTIN_

God, it had been a good day. I was exhausted from spending the day working my ass off at my studio. And I had been, working. All day. For the first time in… god, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d spent more than a couple hours painting.

So needless to say, I was happy when I got home, and even happier when I saw Brian and Evan arriving at the same time I did, laughing and teasing each other and loaded down with dinner.

We ate while we talked about our days, about Kinnetik’s shit new campaign – which Evan was _not_ assigned to, to be clear – and about the painting I was working on, a gloomy cityscape, full of mist and grit. Not the kind of thing I’d been doing lately, but I’d wanted to take a shot at capturing the mood of a decaying city, while trying not to read too much into that impulse. Regardless, I was really pleased with how it was turning out, and I couldn’t wait to show them.

After dinner, I curled up with the new mystery novel I’d picked up the other day, and Brian and Evan went out clubbing. I’d been looking forward to starting the book all day, so as much as I love my husband and my boyfriend, I was glad they were both in the mood to dance. I say ‘both’ because, unsurprisingly, they both have trouble leaving me alone sometimes when I’m trying to read, although as you can imagine, Brian’s way worse. And because… I know this is dumb, I know they can take care of themselves (and sure as hell don’t let Brian hear you so much as imply that that might not be the case), and they’re both smart, but the part of me that always jumps to the worst possible scenario – so, to clarify, all of me – feels better when they go out together. Even if he didn’t love Evan, Brian’s got this iron-clad protective instinct. Plus, he’s tall and intimidating (yeah I know, I mean to strangers), and he’s got this innate charisma. Perfect for advertising, and handy for tricking, not that his body doesn’t speak for itself. And Evan, well, Evan loves Brian. He’d take on any asshole that tried to hurt him, whether he had a realistic shot at winning or not.

I read happily for a while, and then around eleven, I moved to the bedroom so I’d be ready when they got home. As soon as I felt the vibrations of their arrival, I put my book aside, flipped off the lights, and wriggled out of my clothes. I lay on the bed in the most provocative pose I could think of, which, after thirteen years as the stud of Liberty Avenue’s sex partner, you can trust was damn sexy, and waited. I felt Brian’s footsteps coming, and as soon as he opened the door, I said “Hey, stud,” so he’d know I was awake. He switched on the light, and – YES! The look on his face was priceless.

Brian kicked off his shoes and crawled up me, kissing as he went. When he was lying completely on top of me, he did this move he does sometimes that always makes me marvel at how strong and graceful some able-bodied people are. He gripped my arms and rolled over onto his back, rolling me with him so I ended up on top of him, and almost in the same motion, he sat up and pulled my legs around his waist so I was sitting in his lap with our chests pressed together. I know I’m small, but, you can picture that move, right? Fucking incredible.

We made out for a few minutes, my hands gripping his hair, his hands sliding up and down my thighs, until I started coughing from the smoke I could smell on his clothes. The second I pulled away to cough, he lifted me off his lap, stripped, and pulled me into the shower.

Two blowjobs and one spectacular fuck later, I passed out sprawled across his chest while he ran his hand lazily up and down my back and played with my hair.

I wasn’t sure what woke me up some time later, and it took me a minute to get my bearings when I realized I was alone in bed, and it was still dark out. I assumed Brian was in the bathroom, but when he hadn’t come back after a few minutes, I went to check on him. I always worry about him, so even though he’d seemed fine when he came home, it wasn’t a stretch to imagine that he was sick from drinking or something. But when I looked in the bathroom, no Brian. 

Hmm.

I pulled on the sweats I’d left crumpled on the floor when I’d stripped earlier and went out to the living room to find out what was going on. There was light coming from the basement, and I couldn’t think why Brian would be down there in the middle of the night, but I figured Evan might be up. I headed down, hoping at least for some company, if not answers. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d slept alone, and I didn’t entirely love this about myself, but it would have felt weird getting back into bed and trying to fall asleep without one of them next to me.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I was surprised to see Brian squatting next to Evan’s bed, and I felt a flash of relief that lasted long enough for my brain to process how awful Evan looked. His face was splotchy and covered in tears, his curls were plastered to his forehead with sweat, and he was gripping Brian’s shoulder while Brian rubbed his arm. What the fuck was going on? Was he sick?

His face brightened and he gave the faintest glimmer of a smile when he saw me and started sitting up, and when Brian twisted around to look at me, I asked, **What’s going on? Are you okay?**

**I’m okay.**

Um, no, you’re obviously not.

**I had a nightmare. I’m fine.**

**Oh, baby.**

God, I should have known the second I saw him. I crawled onto his bed and pulled him into a tight hug, and I rubbed his back while he shuddered and wrapped his arms around me. And I was so fucking glad he did that, because he’s always been kind of hesitant about accepting comfort. Not because of all that toxic crap Brian’s been working through his whole damn life, but just because he’d never really been able to rely on anyone to be there for him this way, so he wasn’t really sure what to do with it.

Brian watched us for a minute with this soft look in his eyes, and when he made a move to stand up, I caught his eye and smirked.

**Is there a reason you’re naked?**

I’d noticed as soon as I’d come downstairs, obviously, Brian naked is not something I’ll ever not notice, but I’d wanted to make sure Evan was okay before finding out why Brian was in my boyfriend’s bedroom without pants on.

I felt Evan laugh, shaking a little against my chest. **Your husband was so concerned about me, he forgot pants.**

What? What the fuck happened while I was asleep?

**I was screaming. Loudly, apparently.**

**Gave you a run for your money, Sunshine.**

Oh, Evan. Fuck. 

Brian asked, **You staying down here?** even though he knew I was, more to herald his departure than anything, and I felt Evan’s fingers dig into my ribs, silently asking me to stay.

Of course I’m staying, baby.

**Yeah.**

**Try to get some sleep, okay?**

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 3:02, and Brian was watching us with that scrunched up face he makes when he’s worried about me. About me getting enough sleep, in this case. It was Brian who’d described Evan as perceptive way back when we’d first started seeing each other, and I almost chuckled when Evan gave us a demonstration by saying, **We will, I promise,** knowing exactly why Brian was looking at us that way.

 **Okaaay. Do that,** Brian said, still squinting at us a little.

He did leave though, turning his back to us as he stood up, and I wondered why that was. No one’s ever accused Brian of being shy, but maybe he was trying to respect some unspoken boundary he’d drawn for us?

When Brian flicked off the lights at the top of the stairs, I felt Evan flinch against me, so I pulled him down and settled his head on my chest, slipping my hand up his t-shirt to rub his back.

There was enough ambient light coming in through the small windows for him to make out my **Do you want to talk about it?**

**Not right now, I just want to go back to sleep. I’m so tired.**

**I know, the bad ones are exhausting. Okay, we’ll sleep.**

We lay quietly, and I thought about how even though it’s something I don’t really think about, Evan’s a few years younger than me, and Christ, about a decade and a half younger than Brian. And right then, he felt so young in my arms. I wondered if this is how Brian feels when he holds me after a nightmare, noticing how young and small and fragile I feel, compelled to shield me from the world, like I felt right then with Evan shuddering in my arms.

**You’re safe here, you know. With me and Brian.**

He looked up at me and I saw him smile a little in the moonlight.

**I know.**

I stayed awake for a while after Evan fell asleep, watching him. I know from experience that after a knock down drag out nightmare, you sometimes fall right back into it when you fall back asleep, no matter how long you’ve been awake, and I really, really wanted to make sure that didn’t happen.

Luckily, it didn’t, and after a while I wrapped myself around him, felt his hot breath as he sighed against my chest, and let myself drift off.

I woke up a little before 8, and Evan, ever the early rise, was already awake. When he felt me shift a little as I woke up, he looked up at me, and he still looked so goddamn tired. But he smiled a little and said **Morning,** which helped alleviate my concern eeeever so slightly. Obviously not too much, I’m still me, but a little.

**Morning, baby. How’re you feeling?**

**Better.**

**Tired?**

He huffed out a laugh. **Yeah. I must look amazing.**

 **Aww, come on.** I kissed the top of his head. **You always look amazing.**

And it’s true. Not for the first time, I thought about how goddamn lucky I am that when you’re in love with someone, it doesn’t matter how objectively awful they look. Sweaty, splotchy, bedhead, it doesn’t matter what package Evan comes in, he’s still Evan, and I love _Evan_. Which is fucking lucky for me, what with all the times Brian’s played nursemaid to me, imagine if he’d been put off by how awful I looked? He’d have run away screaming years ago.

Anyway, Evan smiled a little and said **Yeah, right.**

 **Yeah. _Right._ **I smiled down at him. **Do you want to tell me about it?**

He sighed then, and looked away. **It was… horrible. And I don’t know where it came from, because it’s not like it was something I’d really been thinking about.**

I waited for him to continue, not wanting to push him. I know what it’s like when you want to talk about something, but you need to be able to take your time. I ran my fingertips lightly up and down his back while he breathed for a minute.

**It was… it’s going to sound dumb, now.**

**In the light of day?**

**Yeah.**

**You know who you’re talking to, right? King of nightmares here, the same ones sending me into the same panic spirals over and over and fucking _over_ again, even after years of therapy. Nothing is going to sound dumb to me.**

He let out a breath and nodded a little.

**Right. Fuck. Well, I’d met up with some of my friends, from before.**

Before he met us.

**And it made me feel like… it reminded me how happy I am to have this life I have now, here… with you guys, and suddenly I couldn’t wait to get back to it. So, I came home, and the house was here, and it was all the same on the outside, but the inside was different. And there was a family living here, these people I’d never met, and they _lived_ here, it was _their_ house. And you guys weren’t anywhere, and they’d never heard of you, they’d lived here for years. So, I went to Kinnetik, and it was a different business. No Kinnetik. No Brian. So, I was panicking by this point, and when I went to call you guys, you weren’t in my phone. No one. You guys, Emily, Gwen, Molly, Daphne, Derek, _no one_. **

And god, his eyes were welling up like he was reliving it. I hugged him tighter and ran my fingers through his hair.

 **So, I went to Emily and Gwen’s, and someone else was living there, and they obviously had been for a while. I was ready to go to _everyone’s_ apartment at that point, but I must have been screaming by then, because that’s when Brian woke me up. And god, I know you know how that feels, to be in hell and then… there’s Brian, swooping in for the rescue. **He huffed out a laugh. **And especially because he was gone, and my life was gone, and I mean, I was fucking homeless, and everyone I cared about was just _gone_ , and then, there he was. And here I was, in my bed, in my room, in…**

**In our house. Yeah, I know how that feels. Oh god, Evan. That sounds… indescribably horrible. I’m so, so sorry.**

Because god, I knew _exactly_ how that felt. I’d never told Brian this, but a lot of the nightmares I had right after the bashing, especially during the weeks I lived with my mom, involved Brian just up and disappearing on me. I couldn’t find him, and when I asked around, no one even knew who I was talking about, exactly like in Evan’s nightmare, and even though I knew exactly _why_ I was having that particular nightmare, it didn’t stop them from coming. A few times I woke up so desperate and panicked, I grabbed the phone and dialed his number without fully realizing what I was doing. And even though he always knew it was me, and even though he’d otherwise honored my mom’s wishes that he leave me the fuck alone, he _always_ picked up and talked me down, staying on the phone for however long I needed him. I asked him sometime after the fact why that was, and he – reluctantly – told me that he’d had his share of nightmares at that point and knew how it felt, to wake up panicked and alone, and he couldn’t physically bring himself to ignore my calls when he pictured me lying in bed crying, alone, in the dark, clutching the phone to my ear, knowing that all I needed in the world was to hear his voice.

Okay, so maybe he was drunk when he told me that. Still counts, because remember, he was already completely fucked for me by that point. 

**But you know that will never happen, right? I mean, obviously not exactly that, unless, you know, aliens, but like, metaphorically. That’s not even on the table. Do you have any idea how fucking much I love you? And Brian, too, you know that, right? I know he never says it, but he really loves you.**

And god, he just gave me the most trusting smile. **I know that. I mean, it’s nice to hear, but I know that. I just…**

**What?**

**I think that’s why. Because I feel so… comfortable here. So settled. And what if something happens?**

**Yeah, I used to worry about that all the time. Not so much anymore, but I get it. I know we can’t control everything, and we know better than most that shit happens all the time, but please trust me that nothing like that will happen voluntarily. Brian and I aren’t going anywhere, and we sure as hell don’t want you going anywhere. We’re a family. Right?**

He stared at me for a few seconds before breaking into a giant grin. **You’ve never said that before.**

 **No, I haven’t, but honestly, I think that’s just because it’s so obvious to me. I felt that way even before you moved in with us. And Brian thinks of you as family, too, despite his insecurities when we first met.** We both laugh a little, remembering Brian’s jealous-of-Justin’s-sick-boyfriend queenout. As annoying as it was before I figured out what was going on, I’m really glad it happened, because it forced us into a conversation about our relationship that we’d clearly been needing to have for a while.

And to be clear, I don’t go around gossiping about Brian to Evan and vice-versa; what goes on inside my relationships with each of them is between the two of us, unless it’s something the other one actually needs to know. But I’d only just started seeing Evan at the time, and I didn’t want him thinking I was married to some asshole, so a little Kinney 101 was necessary.

Evan repeated, **we’re a family,** small, almost like he was saying it to himself, and I thought my heart would explode. As amazingly resilient as he is, this poor kid has been through so fucking much, I can’t even convey how much he needed a win.

I smelled coffee by then, so I pulled Evan into a long kiss and we headed upstairs.

Brian was pulling the egg carton out of the fridge when we got there, so I waved to get his attention.

**Hey, Brian?**

**Yeah?**

**We’re a family. The three of us,** I said, gesturing to all of us.

Brian looked between us with a funny sort of confused sneer on his face.

**No shit, Sherlock.**

And I knew it wouldn’t magically banish his fears, and I knew I couldn’t guarantee nothing bad would ever happen, but I could promise him this.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated! How'd you like hearing both boys' perspectives of the evening?


End file.
